Twilight Saga - Who Is Bella Swan?
Chapters 1 & 2
~ Right Choices Are Painful When Our Eyes Are Focused on Circumstances
Let’s focus on Bella Swan for a moment. This book is written from her perspective, yet we seem to focus on the other characters. However, there are numerous lessons to glean from Bella that we need to see.
Leaving the Known for the Unknown
Bella was leaving the known for the unknown, leaving Arizona for Forks, Washington. She loved her home in Arizona and decided to leave so her mother would be happy. Watching the movie and seeing her holding the cactus plant always made me question why she was doing this? Never could put my thoughts around her motivation until I heard Edward and his tough questions. It was then I realized that she was acting like a martyr. Her decision to move to Forks was her believing her mother would be happier if she did this. When we read this story, or watch the movie, we seem to jump over this part. It is quickly forgotten once Edward enters the picture.
According to the Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary martyr can mean one of the following:
1: a person who voluntarily suffers death as the penalty of witnessing to and refusing to renounce a religion
2: a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principle
3: victim ; especially : a great or constant sufferer
Bella Swan was acting like a victim. A victim to circumstances she had chosen but really did not want, a victim responsible for her moms unhappiness. This victim’s mentality was reinforced by her mother letting her leave. What we do not know about Bella is whether she had reason to see herself a victim or if she just felt like a victim due to her own emotions. After all, it is only a story.
The 'Self-Sacrificing Martyr'
Just read the 2nd paragraph in the 1st chapter of Twilight to see what Bella thought of her choice. Words describing that the town she chose to move to for her mom’s happiness was a gloomy, omnipresent shade that caused her mother to escape from when she was only a few months old! She goes on to tell us that she was ‘compelled’ to spend a month every summer until she was fourteen. She called this town inconsequential. She felt exiled to Forks? When someone is exiled, it is not their choice, is it? She was a true martyr without realizing her mental attitude. It was so obvious the moment she lied to her mother.
We need to stop here and reflect our own lives. Do we find this martyr attitude in any of our words and actions? Do we ‘lie’ to our husbands when we tell them we are okay with something when we really do not want it? Do we ‘lie’ to ourselves that we are happy with the decision we just convinced someone of?
In the Twilight Saga, this victim mentality is where the story starts. Bella suggested an action that her mother accepted. This made Bella sad and Edward saw her sadness when she could not. Edward enters her life. He doesn’t start with small talk. He dives right in by saying, ‘So Bella, you don’t like the snow, rain or anything cold. Living in Forks must be difficult for you.’ Her answer shows how much she did not want to be there. Edward continues by asking why she moved her and she tries to not answer the question. It was not until he makes a simple statement, ‘Now your unhappy’ that you can see Bella being the martyr. This entire portion of the book tells us who Bella is. Her decision to come and her mother’s acceptance of this decision hurt her deeply. Every answer, every excuse showed resentment and pain. Edward does not let up. He tells her that her show is good but he would bet she was suffering more than she let onto everyone.
So many times we suggest actions that our hearts want a different outcome. We want to be heard and chosen. We do not want to expose our hurts and desires, we want those we love to know what we want. When we take on this martyr attitude, we are really desiring validation, not action. Edward seems to understand this need in Bella. She had what is called ‘Self-Sacrificing Martyr Syndrome.’ Unhealthy choices are made for the sake of ‘love.’ Bella’s choice to move to Forks, Washington was her ploy for her mother’s validation, but her mother let her leave. Edward asks her very succinctly the why’s of her actions and Bella had no answers to give him. His questions posed in a caring tone gave her permission to answer as honestly as she could. Edward did not try to fix her, as most men tend to do. Instead he listened to her and heard her words and the words she was not saying.
In her teenage way Bella was really saying, "I am willing to endure this because I love my mother. My mom is happier traveling with her new husband and if I am here she is forced to stay home with me." Logic seems right. However, the truth is that her logic is really self pity and a revealed need for love. At this moment in her life she is faced with two choices. Choice number one ~ be the martyr, and without realizing it, let resentment take hold and settle into her heart. Choice number two ~ let Edward draw her out through love. As the Twilight Saga continues, we know that she chooses correctly, letting Edward love her.
For those who have any type of martyr syndrom they will consistently choose incorrectly, resentment will begin to settle into their heart. Scripture tells us that when we hold resentment inside our bone’s die. Simply, we are not heathy. We have no other path to take but unhealthy choices when we refuse to let love heal us.
We do not know why the author wrote the story as she did. This is just a fictional story. Through the Twilight Saga we see Bella grow closer to her father, while her mother is always on the fringe. She never seems to stop being the martyr but we see her move toward healing.
Accepting Love Brings Healing
Edward, through his questions to Bella, is causing to her to move from martyr to healing. Love always pushes us toward healthy choices. Love always reveal hard truths about whom we are because Love is strong enough to keep us from falling. His tough questions cause Bella to take responsibility for her choice of moving to Forks. Having her verbalize and consider her action is painful but required for healing. If Edward had not asked her the tough questions, their love would not have developed so deeply. Throughout the Twilight Saga we see Edward pushing Bella to choose correctly and this love is a precious gift for Bella.
Let me ask you some questions.
- Are you always saying ‘No, I am happy with this or that’ when you’re really not?
- Are you always being asked ‘Are you okay?’ when you really need a hug?
- Are you always saying ‘It is not my fault?’ because your heart is broken?
- Have you ever said ‘After all I’ve done for you, this is all I get?’
- Have you ever said ‘It does not matter to me if I get the burnt piece of roast?’
- Have you ever said ‘. . .I’ve always put your (their) needs first.’
- Have you ever said ‘. . . .’
Self-sacrificing martyrs sound sincere while they are encouraging you to go ahead with your plans and not worry about anything. Don’t fall for this, confront it firmly with love. When you allow this type of behavior to continue, everyone will begin to feel crazy because self-sacrificing martyrs so convolute and aggravate those they are around.
Is Change Possible?
Today our entire society is labeled a ‘victim’ mentality generation. We deserve help, a job, happiness or whatever else you want to place there. We lose our job, it is the President who made me loose it. We lose our money, it is the stock market that owes me. Our grandparents lived through the worst depression. When they lost their job, they looked for more work. They pulled together and moved forward. Today we are paralyzed by this victim mentality. When truth comes forth we all must realize that what we really deserve is death. We are sinners. We all lie, steal and cheat. None of our actions make up for our sinful nature. We are condemned, separated from God, and need a Savior.
If you are the martyr, work on hearing your words and actions. Your destructive behavior leads to resentment, anger and wrong choices. Take another look at the list above. When you find yourself ready to say those sentences, therapists will tell you to step back. Be honest. Beginning to recognize and being honest about your feelings is the first step. You won’t always succeed to stop a martyr role completely, but with determination you will change. Understand what a martyr looks and sounds like.
When you catch yourself starting to give a response, which puts you in the role of a martyr, stop yourself and say, ‘That’s not what I want to say. Let me start over again.’ Or, if you realize you stepped into the martyr role a few days (weeks) ago you can say, ‘I thought I would be okay with XXX, but the more I think about it the more I get angry. Can we talk about possible solutions?’
Now all these suggestions seem simple enough, but they are not! Your heart is still broken and you are doing everything in your own strength. Unless you accept God’s love, everything you try to do is only temporary. True healing begins with laying your weakness and your needs at the feet of Jesus. Healing takes the 3 P’s ~ Prayer, Patience, Practice. True healing comes when you learn to let God love you. He is all you need. My recommendations are not what therapist would say. What they say are good practice suggestions but you must first begin with Psalm 139:24-25.
When you find yourself slipping into that martyr role, you need to get on your knees. There is a deep hurt in your heart that first needs to be revealed and laid at the feet of Jesus. You need to know He hears you, He loves you and He is able to give you His power to change.
As gentle as Edward was toward Bella, your Heavenly Father will love you perfectly. You are not alone. It is interesting to note that the first emotion Bella felt toward Edward was anger. She thought he was being totally unfair and was planning on setting him straight. She never got the chance to because Edward came from the point of love. Love caught her off guard and she was at a loss for complete sentences or thoughts. That is what God’s love does for us. When we accept His love, we are caught off guard. When we realize that we can do nothing to earn His love we are at a loss for complete sentences and thoughts also. Thankfulness and worship are our response. His love for us is His choice, apart from anything we have done.
Bella Swan is the perfect example of a self-sacrificing martyr who allowed love to enter. We all long to be loved as Edward loved Bella. You are loved by a faithful Father. He knows your every need and desire. He wants to hear your voice. He desires a relationship with you, personally. Accept his offer of love today. Let His love begin healing your martyr attitude today.
In Him,
Kathy
(Bukisa ID #32808)
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